Saturday, November 12, 2011: A Lame Post (No, That's Not "Lamppost")

Hi all,

This is going to be a fairly lame post because I'm fried from cleaning today, and nothing much has happened this week. I still haven't received much work, and I don't know what that's about. When you're a freelancer, you don't get any kind of  "review," yearly or otherwise, and the way you get "fired" is that the client just stops sending you work. Grant it, this particular client seems to be firing me in dribs and drabs, which makes it kind of confusing.

In all actuality, it's like dating someone for a long time (I've been with this client since 2003) and then getting dumped. I'm choosing to deal with this first by riding out then end of the year. Even when the economy is up, this time of year is not a good one to actively search for employment. I'll certainly keep my ear low to the ground to see if I can catch any leads, but I won't be cold-calling any time soon. This is actually a good time to get some personal business taken care of, like having my will redone, cleaning and organizing my office, and so forth. I'm also going to use this part of the winter to nest and hibernate, hopefully to cook up a new plan for my work life. I've daydreamed lightly about pursuing other careers, like becoming a therapist or life coach (nebulous as that latter title seems), learning how to make shoes (yes!), or just researching the journals and books I would really like to edit. So, I'm actually hoping that I don't get much work so I can cocoon and see what kind of butterfly I become.

I've also contemplated theta it might be good just to stay an editor but hone my speed and marketability. I have a lot of ideas and resources on how to do that; I just haven't had the time or energy to act on them:

1. Learn how to keyboard (I think this used to be called "typing," LOL), not just hunt and peck.

2. Learn how to use Macro Express (a macro program) more thoroughly.

3. Rejoin the Editorial Freelancers Association. I let my membership lapse last year (when work was plenty) to see if I missed it. I haven't, but membership is kind of necessary to keep up with the trade.

4. Ditch this old computer and buy a laptop.

5. Look into other aspects of editing I might enjoy, like desktop publishing.

6. Go over some marketing DVDs I have and work up a marketing campaign for next year.
7. Update my resume (d'uh; this should have been the first point).

In the meantime, I've put the kibosh on using my credit card, which I do way too much for someone who is now barely employed. Somehow being on Weight Watchers makes this easier to do :-) And speaking of which, despite thinking I haven't been having a very good week this week in terms of following my eating plan, I managed to lose a pound!

Everything is also going well with the recovery Bible study and the new Al-Anon group, although I'm a little worried about people not getting involved to chair meetings, hold offices, etc., i.e., all the things that make up a normal healthy Al-Anon meeting. I guess if it folds, it folds. I've pretty much done all that I'm willing to do (except holding an office myself). Beyond that, as goes Al-Anon's Step One, I'm powerless over what does or does not happen.

See you next week!

Saturday, November 5, 2011: A Day Early But Still a Dollar Short, LOL!

Sunday, October 30, 2011: This week was pretty uneventful. I kept checking in with my body to see what it felt like to lose 10 pounds. Not much different, but just knowing it was a relief. I have a lot of half-pound weights at home. I've put the equivalent amount of weight that I want to lose in one bag and am transferring to another bag the equivalent amount of weight I've lost. Physically (i.e., when I pick up the bag), a pound, no less 10 pounds, physically feels like much more weight than the number itself conjures in my mind. It's a relief to know I'm on my way to making my goal weight of 140 pounds (maybe less). See today's entry for boggglement and confusion, though.

Monday,  October 31, 2011: What can I say? It was a day. Still continuing throughout the week to stay within the "regular" 29 points range. Signed up at the YMCA for two personal training sessions to get advice on different ways to work my core muscles.

Tuesday, November 1, 2011: It was another day. Started to get nervous about the Al-Anon meeting starting up on Friday night.

Wednesday, November 2, 2011: Yet another day. More obsessing and worrying.

Thursday, November 3, 2011: More of the same. Didn't think much about sugar, flour, or weight loss though. Decide to play around around again with meditating twice a day and am fairly successful :-)

Friday, November 4, 2011: Put together the resources I needed to take to the new Al-Anon meeting: binder with opening and closing, basket for collection money, pen, and book to record telephone list at each meeting. I let the outcome up to God now; I did my footwork. Was flabbergasted that we had a total of 22 people, including myself and the speaker, attend a 6:30 pm meeting! I knew my Al-Anon district needed a Friday night meeting, but I didn't think I'd get many people for a 6:30 to 7:30 time slot. Then again, maybe some of the people just came out of curiosity. I hope not though. Now I'm worrying about getting another chairperson for December (I've done more than my part, and it's time for someone else to step up to the plate). When will I get it through my head that I don't have to worry? Just ask God for what I need; do the footwork; and let go of the outcome. After all, He did put a woman at the meeting whom I had wanted to speak at the meeting on the third Friday but whose phone number I had lost and voila! I now have the speaker I wanted :-) Gad, why do I even bother to worry? Mental masturbation? Nah, just my control issues popping up again. BTW, the "dollar short" in the post title refers to the fact that I've now gone a second (nonconsecutive) week without work. I refuse to worry about that, too. I know how to market myself to new clients; I just need to come up with a campaign and do it. I hate it, but just for today, I can do something for 12 hours that would appall me if I felt that I had to keep it up for a lifetime! Had my weekly mini-binge, but since I didn't use many of my extra points, it was a minor event :-)

Today, Saturday, November 5, 2011: According to the Weight Watcher's scale I stepped on today, I gained 2.2 pounds this week. There was much confusion because I forgot my log-in weight booklet, and my info is not stored on the computer, so my teacher and the other gal there today were trying to log me into the computer (something they obviously don't do very often), and they initially had me at a weight loss of 5.8 pounds! I knew that absolutely wasn't right, so they weighted me again and came up with a weight, which when I put the sticker in my booklet at home and compared it with last week's weight, was 2.2 pounds heavier. I don't think that's right either, so I'm going to take a gander at my weight on my home scale tomorrow, just for a "reality check." I guess I'll have to wait for next week to see what the scale really says!

TTYNW!  (Talk to you next week)

Tuesday, October 25, 2011: A Day Late and a Dollar Short

Hi all. Here are the highlights of this past week:

Saturday, 10/22/11: Lost 1.4 pounds at my Weight Watchers weigh in. I finally start dreaming of reaching my first 10-pound weight loss goal. Didn't exercise because it was the weekend.

Sunday, 10/23/11: After Saturday's success, I made the decision to try working with the "normal" 29 points instead of adding in my Points Plus values every day. It's become a game for me to see if I can stay within my food budget AND make my daily macronutrient goals. Guess what? I did it (for most of the week). Didn't exercise because it was the weekend. Had an awesome speaker for the recovery Bible study, our first speaker on our 4-week anniversary date :-)

Monday, 10/24/11: Thought of how losing my excess poundage will actually be like returning home to myself. Just as recovery and therapy have helped me get back a large bit of who I used to be, my body is tagging along to fit the rest of the new "old" me. Swam for 50 minutes!

Tuesday, 10/25/11: Worked on getting stuff together for the new Al-Anon meeting starting this Friday night. Otherwise nothing special. No exercise today.

Wednesday, 10/26/11: Went totally off plan with Peeps pumpkins and ghosts as well as a Reese's pumpkin. Think about ending my white sugar-and-flour (Fiber One brownie bars) binge. No exercise :-( Had my second Benlysta infusion.

Thursday, 10/27/11: Work begins on installing a new air-conditioning system in our house. Because the floors are all draped with drop cloths, which I can't walk on at all, I'm pretty much trapped inside. Too many ladders and working men around to do my physical therapy floor exercises, so no exercise again today.

Friday, 10/28/11: Trapped in the house again but happy that we will have more efficient airco next year and a new programmable heat thermostat for this winter :-)

Today, Tuesday, November 1, 2011: This morning (it actually started last night; I like to get a head start, LOL), I had an anxiety melt-down about the recent slow down in my editorial work as well as the new Al-Anon meeting: thinking I was going about it all wrong, that no one would show up, and that it would close within the month. Since the Al-Anon meeting was more immediate than finding a solution to the lack-of-work problem, I decided to put my focus there. It was challenging to "therapy" myself through something like this, but today I did it. I made extra time to spend with God; used a cool concordance my pastor gave us recently, in which I looked up helps for anxiety and read them; journaled about my thoughts and feelings; told my sponsor what was going on; and made the decision to go to my Tuesday Al-Anon meeting and share my thoughts and feelings, which was very helpful. I ended up getting a lot of encouragement, which felt great. Also lined up my first and second speakers for the month. 

I'm trying to exercise my faith muscles, and my Higher Power helped me talk myself down off the ledge today :-) See you this weekend.