Tuesday, December 28, 2010

12/28/10: I'm Completely Bloatto . . .

Yesterday's food:

12/27/10: Bed at 11 pm/up at 7 am
*Hershey Kiss (x 1)
*Chocolate-covered pretzel (x 1)
Tea with creamer
Egg white
*7 cookies
Brown rice
Corn and veggie mix
4 c water (including tea)
*Mini spice gumdrops (1/2 pound)
Meatballs (x 2)
Brussels sprouts
Skim milk (1/2 c)

As for today's post title, do you remember (or know of) the phrase, "completely blotto"? It refers to being completely drunk, and that's how I get when I'm around sugar (the spelling "bloatto" is a play on words, LOL). In fact, I started today with . . . sugar. Mini spice drops to be exact. Only about 20, but still disgusting. I might as well have started the day with a stiff Scotch (and I don't mean a cute man in a kilt, LOL). I had them leftover from yesterday; I woke up with sugar on my  mind; I remembered the spice drops; and I rolled directly into my home office and ate 20 or so before I bade them good-bye down the Insikerator. That was a pretty extreme measure for me, to obliterate candy like that. Normally I think about disposing of it as I polish it off and then commence grazing on other sugar-laden forms of poison (for me, that is) throughout the day. Today I didn't do that as much, which is a testament to God's saving grace and nothing else. Although it probably helps that I had almost nothing of a sugary nature in the house. On purpose.

However, I also blew off my God time this morning, which is a direct reflection of having eaten candy yesterday. I know my pattern, and total abstinence is the only answer if I want to meet the goal of having a closer relationship with God. And what would that look like for me? I would more purposefully, and more often, seek His company, read His Word, and act it out; I would more often take life with a grain (or two) of faith; and I would be able to better discern His will for me because my channel would be more clear such that our communication could travel back and forth more readily. Does that make sense?

I'm glad I strive to live my life one day at a time because it means that I can start over again tomorrow without beating myself up for mistakes I made today. I know the actual experiment doesn't begin until January 1, 2011, but I'd rather start off somewhat clean. Actually, if I don't have sugar for a few days, the cravings pretty much go away. But in my insanity, I keep thinking (during those brief sugar-free periods) that my addiction will go away. But it doesn't, and since doing the same thing over and over again is the definition of "insane," that makes me an addict and insane, LOL. And fat. Not a pretty sight at all!

Looking forward to talking with you tomorrow :-)

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