April 30, 2011: What's the Payoff?

Thursday's food: 

Thursday, 04/28/11: Bed at 4:00 am/up at 11:00 am

God time? Are you kidding?

[P] (and loads of fat) Peanut butter (8 oz. [half pound])

[P] (and loads of fat) Peanut butter (8 oz. [half pound])

[V] Mushrooms (on pizza)

[V] X

[V] X

[F] Plum

[F] X

[F] X

[St] Kashi

+[St] Crust (pizza)

+[St] Crust (pizza)

+[St] Crust (pizza)

[D] Skim milk

[D] Yogurt

[D] Skim milk

[Sn] X

[Sn] X

[Nightfood bar] Yes

[W] Two cups

I don't usually document my food when I'm up with insomnia, eating and shopping on the Internet, but I thought I'd start doing it. This is the worst, most pathetic, saddest, most out of control, and most unbalanced daily tracked food I've posted so far. This is how out of control my addiction(s) got on Wednesday night/early Thursday morning: Even though I rarely buy or eat peanut butter, there was no sugar in the house, so I ate a half pound of peanut butter. During that particular 24 hours, I ended up being 3591 calories over goal!!! And I also spent $100 shopping that I don't really have. It's pretty hard to connect with God when I've stuffed my stomach and soul with loads of fat, salt, and shopping. I wonder what would happen if, when I feel driven to stay up all night and eat and shop, I instead forced myself to wait 5 minutes before getting out of bed, praying all the while. Would the compulsion pass? Could I forge a connection with God at these times, no matter how weak, that would drive me to make a healthier choice? Anyone with an addiction knows that when it's active, it's so up in your face this it is you, and there is (or seem to be) no room for God at all. Doing (or being) anything other than your addiction feels hopeless and impossible.

How can I let God help me kick this self-destructive habit? First, I must admit that a huge part of me does not want to kick it. It's fun to an extent (although I admit it's getting less fun as time wears on). So, I could start by talking (or writing) honestly to God that I want His help but feel ambivalent about stopping this behavior. That would lead me right into doing a Fourth Step on it. What do I like about it? What do I dislike about it? How does it hurt me? How does it help me (or what do I get out of it)? This last one may sound weird, but I've learned that if I do something over and over again, even if I say I don't like doing it, it's generally because I get something out of it, no matter how twisted that "something" may be.

I've already worked Steps One on this problem, but I may not have really worked Step Two on it. Do I really believe that God can free me from the bondage of insomnia and the attendant compulsive eating and shopping? I need to look hard at that with someone I trust because either I don't believe that He can (although intellectually I know He can) or I choose to believe that He can't or won't because I don't want to stop acting out y addiction.

I remember when I first started my Al-Anon recovery and told my therapist that recovery was boring. Who would I be if I wasn't creating crises, sticking my nose in other peoples' business, and trying to control everything and everyone around me? At the time those behaviors were so much of my persona, I didn't know who I would be anymore if I gave them up. And perhaps I'm there again: Who would I be if I slept well, if I had a normal relationship with food, if I didn't have problems with compulsive behavior? Can I even imagine, in my mind and in my body's cells, being that person? Sometimes being able to viscerally imagine where I want to be is my first step being restored to sanity.

April 27, 2011: Dolphin or Otter?

Yesterday's food:

Tuesday, 04/26/11: Bed at 10:30 am/up at 6:40 am

God time? Yes

Exercise? No

[P] Chicken (Lean Cuisine Apple Cranberry Chicken)

[P] Kielbasa

[V] Mixed veggies

[V] Mixed veggies

[V] X

[F] Cantaloupe

[F] Cantaloupe

[F] Apples and cranberries (Lean Cuisine)

[St] Rice (Lean Cuisine)

[St] X

[D] Skim milk

[D] Skim milk

[D] Skim milk

[D] Miracle Whip

[Sn] Mi-Del GF/SF ginger snaps

[Sn] Mi-Del GF/SF ginger snaps 

[Sn] Mi-Del GF/SF ginger snaps

[Sn] Mi-Del GF/SF ginger snaps

+[Sn] SF Skinny Cow

[Nightfood bar] Yes

[W] Two cups (including tea w/ creamer)

I snacked a lot yesterday, most likely because I was exhausted from having insomnia two nights in a row.  Still, none of it had sugar or flour, yay! I slept last night, thank God, and today I feel as happy as a dolphin! Or maybe an otter . . . floating on her back and having a sea snack, LOL.

It dawned on me today that you all don't know much about the other sides of me, other than the fact that I'm a compulsive overeater, specifically a sugar and flour addict, and that I'm in recovery from an alcoholic upbringing as well as my eating disorder. However, I hope you've caught sight of my humor through my writing. I'm not always intense and deep, although that is the part of the pool I prefer to swim in. I'm also a total dork and nerd, and it took me some 40+ years to get comfortable accepting that fact.

I never fully introduced myself to you, so, here goes: I prefer cats to dogs (although they are OK), baths to showers, being cold to being hot, one-on-one to large groups, and food to . . . well . . . just about everything else, LOL :-) I like to swim, listen while people process, and attend dance performances and other cultural events. I crochet and have metal-smithed (jewelry), made stained glass (quilt-block patterns), made paper from pulp slurry, marbled paper, embroidered, sewn, counted cross-stitched, cast horoscope charts, calculated my numerology profile and probably other things I've forgotten. The next thing I want to do is make beaded jewelry. I'm an auto-didactic typical INFJ (Meyers-Briggs personality type). Ironically, I used to read prodigiously until I became an editor. Now I can't read without editing in my head and noticing things like fonts, folios, and widows and orphans (publishing jargon).

I'm pretty shy, but I can carry a conversation quite well if I'm in a one-on-one setting. When at parties, I usually just observe (typical Enneagram number 5) or seek out one particular person to chat with. You'll never catch me "working" a room!

Well, that's about all for now but certainly not all of me. I just thought I should "flesh" myself out for you so this blog doesn't get too heavy. See you tomorrow . . . stay tuned for an upcoming blog contest, my first ever!

April 26, 2011: Darn That Slippery Slope

Does anyone remember the episode of The Brady Bunch when Greg goes "beatnick" and plays the bongos in a coffee shop with a group that sings the weird lyric that goes something like, "Little boy, face pressed up against the bakery shop window, there are no doughnuts for you today, only death. Badump bump <bongo sound>"?

Don't know why I went there, except that I've had a couple of really, really bad days. I'm pissed at God for making me the way I am, and I borderline hate myself for my weaknesses, especially my overeating a sugar addiction. I want to fix everything wrong about myself NOW, not on God's time, and I just have to keep reminding myself, over and over again, that I'm completely powerless over everything, including even myself. I know that beating myself up will make everything worse, so, as God is my witness, I am giving myself permission tonight to be fat and grumpy and powerless, dang it, and just try to enjoy the rest of my night. I haven't been able to sleep for the past two nights, and, God willing, I'll sleep tonight and everything will look brighter tomorrow morning.

So, I have no tracked food to share, only doughnuts and death, LOL. When my self-pity and self-hatred run their full course, they tend to spill over into dark, absurd humor. Consider yourself warned.

I know I'm in this spot because I lost control over Easter, which is the most candy-seductive holiday for me, even considering the sugar-filled charms of Halloween. There is something about the shapes, colors, and textures of Easter candy that compel me to consume it despite my commitment to this experiment. The slope-sliding concluded at Easter dinner when I ate a small piece of cheesecake, which I normally consider too rich even when I am binge-eating. I knew it had to end. Again.

I also haven't slept in two nights although I've slept well this past week. It freaks me the heck out how my body can seemingly lose control over itself with no apparent provocation, although the sugar I've eaten on and off over the post week may have been provocation enough . . .  certainly something to think about. I wonder when I'm going to get with God's program for my body instead of my own? Back to Step One, powerlessness, and surrender.

See you tomorrow, God willing :-)

April 20, 2011: Time to Do a Step Four on My Experiment!

Two discontinuous days' worth of food:

Tuesday, 04/19/11: Bed at 10:30 pm/up at 8:00 am

God time? Yes

Exercise? No

[P] Chicken sausage

[P] Ground beef (goulash)

[V] Brussels sprouts

[V] Peppers (goulash)

[V] Mushrooms (goulash)

[F] Apple

[F] Pineapple (in yogurt)

[F] X

[St] Kashi

[St] Brown rice (goulash)

[D] Skim milk

*[D] Chobani pineapple yogurt

[D] Skim milk

[Sn] X

[Sn] X

[Nightfood bar] Yes (x 2)

[W] Four cups (including tea w/ creamer)

Saturday, 04/16/11: Bed at 2:00 am/up at 9:00 am

God time? Yes

Exercise? No

[P] Egg white

[P] Peanut butter

+[P] Chicken, breaded (in salad)

[V] Large salad

[V] Large salad

[V] X

[F] Apple

[F] X

[F] X

[St] Kashi

[St] Kashi

[St] Ezekiel bread

[St] Ezekiel bread

[D] Skim milk

[D] Skim milk

*[Sn: PURE SUGAR] Ice cream

*[Sn: PURE SUGAR] Ice cream

+*[Sn: PURE SUGAR + GLUTEN] White frosted cake

+*[Sn: PURE SUGAR + GLUTEN] White frosted cake

[Nightfood bar] Yes (x 3)

[W] Four cups (including tea w/ creamer)

Well, someone smack me upside the head and call me "Sally." I posted these two discontinuous days of food because they represent a typical pendulum swing for me: scarfing down sugar and flour and then getting back on track. See how much of an improvement there is between April 16 and April 19? On the 19th, I met almost all of my macronutrient categories, whereas I am usually quite lacking in the fruit and veggie area, the latter because of the Coumadin greens issue as well as the fact that I just don't like all the preparation that goes along with eating veggies. I'm quite a good but very lazy cook, LOL. My preference would be to cook a large one-pot meal that has all the macronutrient/food pyramid categories and eat off that all week, but my roommate prefers otherwise.

I feel the need to check in with myself (and you; a Step Four of sorts), about the efficacy of my experiment. My relationship with my Higher Power, and my growth is Him, is so internal that I almost have no way to explain it to you let alone myself. I'll try to speak about it in terms of my spiritual growth since starting this eating plan and blog.

When I first wrote at the end of December last year, I was spiritually bored and ripe for an inner adventure. My attitude toward life and the curve balls it's thrown me had already begun to improve when I accepted Christ Jesus as my lord and savior, but it has definitely gotten better yet. I am rarely in a funk and actually look forward to waking up each day (this from someone who was suicidal and angry at God for most of her life).

I don't know if I've been seeking God's presence any more than I has been before; Al-Anon has trained me pretty well with Steps 3 and 11 to seek Him first thing in the morning and to pray to know His will all throughout the day. I think I've had fewer episodes of rebellious behavior as I come to know and trust Him and His plan for my life. I guess I just got too old and tired of fighting it every step of the way.

I indeed have been reaching out more on a spiritual level and am more aware of God using me in others' lives, even if I don't know it. I was asked, and accepted, to be a deacon at my church, which is teaching me to think of others instead of focusing on myself and all my medical needs and problems. I made a decision to tithe to my church this year, which is a show of faith and trust in God. And I had a lovely time giving a two-part spiritual gifts workshop to the youth group at my church. If I helped just one child by doing that, I'll be more than happy!

On a physical front, yes, I have had bouts of eating sugar and flour, but I've had longer bouts without them. I've not recorded my food and blogged every day, but this should be my 85th food record and blog post in 114 days (I started right before 20111), so I'm batting an average of 75%, and I'm very happy with that. I've also seen a direct,  albeit anecdotal, correlation between my pain level and my consumption of white sugar and flour. This project is teaching me perseverance, accountability, consistency, and maturity.

So, so far, so good, I say. What do you think?

April 16, 2011: God Breaks Me Down to Build Me Up Again

Yesterday's food:

Friday, 04/15/11: Bed at 10:30 pm/up at 8:00 am

God time? Yes

[P] Chicken sausage

[P] Chicken breast

[V] Broccoli

[V] Mixed veggies

[V] Mixed veggies

[V] Onions

[F] Apple

[F] Apple

[F] X

[St] Kashi

[St] Kashi

[St] Brown rice

[St] Acorn squash

[D] Skim milk

[D] Skim milk

[Sn] Mi-Del GF/SF pecan cookies

*[Sn: PURE SUGAR] Ice cream

[Nightfood bar] Yes

[W] Four cups (including tea with creamer)

Thursday, 04/14/11: Bed at 10:30 pm/up at 8:00 am

Didn’t track 

Wednesday, 04/13/11: Bed at 10:30 pm/up at 8:00 am

God time?

[P] Chicken (Lean Cuisine)

[P] Al Fresco chicken sausage

[V] Carrots (Lean Cuisine)

[V] X

[V] X

[F] Pineapple (Lean Cuisine)

[F] X

[F] X

[St] Mi-Del GF/SF Pecan cookies

[St] Risotto

[D] Skim milk

[D] Skin milk

*[Sn: PURE SUGAR] Starbuck’s ice cream

[Sn] X

[Nightfood bar] Yes

[W] Three cups (including tea with creamer [x 2]

Well, I've certainly been slacking off my program. I hope to get at least one day in next week in which I meet all of my macronutrient goals and come in at or under my calorie goal, too (although I'm not sharing that part with you). I weighed in around 180 (180.2) pounds again today, so I'm about the same weight as last week but have leveled off, which usually means that I might actually lose next week if I put my mind (heart and soul) to it.

I'm acutely aware when I don't blog for a few days. I feel like I'm abandoning myself on those days as well as anyone who might actually be reading this blog. I'm also seeing a pattern in my food tracking of not making wise choices in terms of balancing my macronutrients throughout the day. For example, today I had two bowls of Kashi at breakfast (i.e., two starches), and then I had a nonetheless yummy PB&J sandwich with two pieces of bread (i.e, two more starches). I actually had a thought the other day -- God forbid I should entertain it! -- that I could understand, and might actually try, the Overeaters Anonymous tradition of planning one's food one day or more in advance and then committing it to a sponsor. That always seemed too militant to  me, but God continues to break me down, open me up, and build me back up again, a new person (there's a beautiful song about that process by Francis Dunnery). So, if I keep having that thought, I'll do the same as I always do: I'll assume it's God's direction in my life and act on it :-)

April 13, 2011: Some Recovery Humor

Yesterday's food:

Tuesday, 04/12/11: Bed at 10:30 pm/up at 9:15 am

God time? Yes

[P] Egg white

[P] Chicken (Lean Cuisine)

[P] Shrimp (x 7)

[V] Carrots (Lean Cuisine)

[V] Green beans

[V] X

[F] Apple

[F] Cantaloupe

[F] Cantaloupe

[St] Kashi

[St] Rice (Lean Cuisine)

[St] Pamela’s GF/SF cookies (x 3)

[St] Risotto

[D] Skim milk

[D] Skim milk

[Sn] Pamela’s GF/SF cookies (x 3)

[Sn] Pamela’s GF/SF cookies (x 3)

[Nightfood bar] Yes

[W] Four cups (including tea w/ creamer [x 2])

*[SUGAR!] Haagen-Dasz ice cream

Although I ate an ungodly amount of food yesterday, including way too many starches (doing my taxes; yuck), my overall macronutrient balance wasn't too bad: 12.96% protein, 21.42% fat, and 65.62% carbohydrate. It was totally done by the seat of my pants (see photo above) because the only thing I really watch is my protein. I've been a bit over my calorie goal each day, but yesterday was the worst day so far. Again, my sugar and flour consumption correlated inversely with my God time, which I haven't had a real dose of in two or three days (just Bible reading for Sunday school).

Good news is, I finished my taxes today, so I'm less likely to stress nosh at my desk. No matter how many times I tell myself that I'm going to get my taxes on track this (or any) year, I'm always doing them at the last minute. I guess tax readiness is a process, just like everything else in my life (just AFGE = another f*****g growth experience)!

Speaking of acronyms, have you ever heard this one? FEAR before recovery = F**k everything and run. FEAR in recovery = Face everything and recover. And did you hear the one about the woman in France during the revolution who was sentenced to die by guillotine? The woman before her and went up to the slicer, but it didn't work, so the officials let her go free. The same thing happened with two more women. When her time finally came to face the guillotine, she got into position, looked up at the apparatus, and said, "You know . . . I can fix that!" Badum-bum.

Thanks for letting me joke off some steam :-) Sure beats eating!

April 12, 2011: Reflexology, Reiki, and Myofascial Release, Oh My!

Yesterday's  food:

Sunday, 04/11/11: Bed at 10:30 pm/up at 6:30 am

God time? Nope

[P] Jumbo egg white 

[P] Chili (beans)

[V] Mixed veggies

[V] Mixed veggies

[V] Broccoli

[F] Cantaloupe

*+[F] Uncrustable PB&J sandwich

[F] Strawberry jam (Uncrustable)

[St] Kashi Go Lean Crunch Honey Almond Flax

[St] Chili (beans)

[St] Tostitos 

[St] Popcorn

[D] Daisy Light Sour Cream

[D] Skim milk

*+[Sn] Donut

*+[Sn] Uncrustable PB&J sandwich

[Nightfood bar] Yes

[W] Two cups

Hi, everyone :-) Today I'm going to tell you about a great experience I had with reflexology regarding the debilitating foot pain that has put me in a wheelchair since 2006. I've searched since then first for a diagnosis for the pain and then to find a surgeon who would make the surgical correction needed. I went to two surgeons who were too wimpy to take on my problem, bu the third -- Dr. Joseph Eremus with Temple Sports Medicine -- manned up, rendered a diagnosis, performed the surgery, and cared for me through the healing process. Fine man he is.

However, I've had new pain in the same foot since I was cleared to start walking on it about a year ago. The pain in my inner ankle, which had been the result of massive arthritis degeneration and for which I underwent the surgery, is fine. This new pain runs along the perimeter of the sole of my foot and along the very outside edge about halfway to my toes, and it also runs up my Achilles tendon. If it were in the middle of my foot, I would think it was plantar fasciitis. The pain is great enough to send me to the floor (or flagstone or concrete) any time I'm standing or attempting to walk and has done so a number of times. Remember, I'm on Coumadin (bleeding risk), plus I can't get up once I've fallen, so this pain is a serious issue for me.

The only thing that gives me a little bit of temporary relief is sitting on the floor, with my foot against the wall, and stretching my calf. This calf stretch points again to plantar faciitis. I do plan to have this checked out with a podiatrist, but I have been trying alternative treatments first. My doctor also found that increasing my prednisone dosage pretty much obliterated the pain, indicating some sort of inflammatory process, yet no inflammation was shown on a subsequent MRI scan.

So, to make a long story short, I ask my massage therapist, Susan, with whom I have a massage nearly every month and who also know reflexology and is a Reiki master, if she will try reflexology, which I've never had before. I figured that maybe my foot was hurting because some of my other bodily systems were out of whack. She gives me the treatment, which is way more relaxing than I had thought it would be, but the real  interesting part came the next day and throughout the week: I had very little pain while trying to get down the first step out of the house into what we call the "lobby." Now, this step is my nemesis, one over which I am most likely to fall. The fact that I could get down it without much pain is joy-inducing and gave me hope that I may have some clues now as to the nature of the pain, i.e., muscular rather than skeletal. The pain relief lasted all week but is beginning to subside. I'm negotiating with Susan to give me a treatment once a week for a month and see where that takes me. I will also look into myofascial release if I get good results form the reflexology!

I have been praying since 2006 to be able to get back to my previous level of handicap, in which I was able to walk with only one arm crutch, and I would like to think that God has seen fit to begin answering my prayer. What do you think?

April 10, 2010: Peep Seduction/Sabbatarian Report

Yesterday's food:

04/09/11 Bed at 10:30 pm/up at 6:30 am

God time? Yes

[P] Egg white

[P] Swiss steak

[V] Mushrooms (McDonald’s Angus Snack Wrap)

[V] Tomatoes and celery

[V] X

[F] Apple

[F] Pineapple (in Jell-O salad)

[F] X

[St] +Tortilla (McDonald’s Angus Snack Wrap)

[St] Brown rice

[D] Sour cream (in Jell-O salad)

[D] Cheese (McDonald’s Angus Snack Wrap)

[Sn] Mi-Del GF ginger cookies (x 5)

[Sn] *PEEPS (x 12)!

[Nightfood bar]

[W] Two cups

Howdy, everyone! Since I am writing this on a Sunday, you can guess that my Sabbitarian experiment has been less than successful. I'll tell you about that later. First, I must confess that I lusted after a Peep. "Peeps" to be exact. I willingly hunted them down at a local Rite-Aid, lured by their bright, artificial colors and the crunch of sugar giving way to mouth-pillows of marshmallow goodness. Yup, I still have a good case of insanity (and just testing to make sure it's there): Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. My body hasn't suffered too much in the way of bad results--unlike the past two weeks I slipped. I had a slightly greater degree of pain while walking to the car today, but the damage to my self-esteem goes deeper: I want to honor God with my body, keeping my "temple" as clean and healthy as possible, and yet I don't. Or, rather, I don't do so regularly and consistently. It's pretty bad when your idea of living on the edge is eating 12 Peep bunnies, but that's where the Lord has me just for today.

On another note, the first two Sundays of the Sabbatarian experiment went well. The computer and other electronics remained turned off; my chores and editing commitments had been met; I sought His presence as I usually do; I felt connected with Him as I sometimes do and sometimes don't; and I felt grounded and present in my body --  my head, my heart, and my feet together in the same place at the same time -- I was grateful for all the gifts He has blessed me with. The first two Sundays were what I had imagined a Sabbath would be like.

I eventually eroded that good experience through my sinful and self-indulgent nature. The main temptation I was not strong enough to overcome, although I prayed on it, was the computer. The third Sunday I went on the computer in the early afternoon. The fourth Sunday I skipped Bible study and church so I could commune with my beloved Dell. Food and my computer: Those are often my idols, I am ashamed to admit. 

However, a seed has been planted during this experiment, and the Sabbath is something I may explore again when I am spiritually more mature. For now, my almost-daily time with God -- journaling, praying, Bible-reading, church- and Bible study-going, Al-Anon attendance, frequent discussions directly with God and indirectly, with friends, about God -- is just about all the godliness I can wrap myself around right now. I work at cultivating and attitude of gratitude, so I thank and praise God throughout the day, no matter what the situation and how I feel about it, and I think God is pleased with that. And He keeps drawing me closer, even in failed experiments, and I'm pleased with that!

April 8, 2011: Trimming the Fat

First, yesterday's food:

04/08/11 Bed at 2:30 am/up at 9:00 am

God time? No

[P] Egg white

[P] Chili (beans)

[V] McDonald’s Bacon Ranch Salad w/ lite balsamic vinaigrette

[F] X

[F] X

[St] Kashi Go Lean Crunch w/ flax

[St] Chili (beans)

[D] Skim milk

[D] Sour cream (chili)

[D] Skim milk

[Sn] Nightfood bar

[Sn] Nightfood bar

 [W] Two cups (including tea w/ creamer

*[PURE SUGAR] McDonald’s small caramel frappe (no whipped cream or drizzle)

It took so long for me to format the food list, trying to copy it (unsuccessfully) from the My Plate feature of Livestrong.com, that I don't have much time to write anything of substance. I did go to my sleep doctor today, and we're going to try a new medication that does not promote compulsive behavior (like staying up all night on the computer, eating and shopping compulsively). I hope it works. I need some normalcy in my life, as attracted as I am to the whirlwind drama of self-neglect as well as active self-abuse. :-( 

My groovy Daily Plate macronutrient pie chart shows me that I am waaaay over in my fats, averaging over two days in the mid-forties (grams, that is). So, that's where  the excess weight is coming from! Evil delicious-tasting fat!

So, tell me, how do you trim the fat in your diet, and what do you eat for low-calorie, low-fat snacks? Inquiring minds want to know!

April 7, 2011: That's What She Said

Hello all,

I had a major slip/fall off the abstinence wagon, and it all started with a seemingly innocent slice of raspberry pie. My resolve at the time was weak, and that's all I needed to slip right back into my old eating habits.

Since I last wrote on March 18, I have eaten both sugar and flour in the form of 1 slice of pie, 2 Luna Bars, 2 bags of regular and 1 bag of Jelly Belly jelly beans, 1 slice of bakery cake, several Uncrustable brand PB&J sandwiches, and numerous other items containing my two dietary enemies. Health-wise during that time, I had so much arthritis and foot pain I could barely walk up and down the outside steps to just get out of the house and back in. I almost fell on two occasions on the flagstone steps; I fell in the driveway trying to get to my car one day to do an errand and had to crawl back to the steps and wait until I spied someone who could help me get back up; and I had to ask my neighbor to support me going up the steps one day because my left knee was giving out from pain. The foot pain was so bad it made my leg spasm and my knee jerk up in between steps, which of course made me more unstable than I am to begin with. God-wise, I went for a whole week without my God time, and blew off the past two Sabbath observances, including attendance at church and Bible study last Sunday. How's that for sliding down the slippery slope?

I strive to learn something from every experience I have, and here's what I learned from this big slip:

1. Consuming sugar and flour, or not, does have an impact on my rudimentary practice of connecting with my Higher Power, let alone seeking His presence in more effortful ways.

2. Sugar and flour do contribute to my arthritis and foot pain levels.

Those two things were very evident during the time I slacked off of my eating program. In a way it turned out to be a good experiment that proved my initial hypotheses that sugar and flour play a role in my pain level as well as my relationship with God. So, I'm back to tracking, and so far today I have not had any sugar.

I know I said in the very beginning that this experiment would not be about dieting, but I also remarked later that I'd be a fool not to pay attention to what and how much I was eating. I weighed in today at a whopping 180 pounds (and I'm 5'1"), the heaviest I have ever been in my life. It's not freaking me out or making me feel my usual knee-jerk depression, but I am taking measures to get the extra weight off, especially because I'm glucose intolerant (i.e., pre-diabetic). I've been back to the pool a few times, and today I signed up for a "gold" membership to Livestrong.com, where I can input my food each day into the My Plate tool and get visual feedback on how I'm doing nutritionally. I have used the free version in the past, and it worked well, so I sucked it up this morning and paid $49 for the "gold" membership, which allows me to customize my macronutrients, etc. I did it because I'm worth it!