Saturday, May 21, 2011

May 21, 2011: Step One and Seeking Connections

Yesterday's food:

Friday, 05/20/11: Bed at 1:00 am/up at 9:00 am
God time? No
Exercise? No 
[P] Chicken (Lean Cuisine)
[P] X
[V] Mixed veggies
[V] Mixed veggies
[V] X
[F] Apple
[F] Apple and cranberries (Lean Cuisine)
[F] X
[St] Kashi
[St] Brown rice
[D] Skim milk
[D] Skim milk
[Sn] SF Klondike bar
*[Sn] Luna bar
[W] Four cups (including tea w/ creamer)


I feel completely uninspired tonight, so I'm going to write on how I'm using Step One to attempt to manage my compulsive overeating and sugar addiction.

My therapist had mentioned to me at a recent session that anger can manifest as inflammatory pain. Also, in the metaphysical world, the right side of the body represents "female energy," and feet represent the ability to take in the joy of life. All about receptivity basically. So, when I think on those things and try to integrate them  . . .  I get nuthin' :-) I believe I have covered most of my anger issues, but there is one tangle of events that I have never really addressed: they involve 9/11 and a number of events that occurred around that time. They enraged me, actually, and I don't think I've ever processed them fully. I can't see right now what these events, and my anger about them, have to do with feminine energy or accepting the joy of life, but I do know that they all propelled me like a bullet into my overeating and addiction, so based on previous experience I assume they are connected somehow.

Although I don't know if or where there might be connection, I wrote down a First Step on it and left it on my nightstand so I could remember it and refer to it when I feel like working on the issue. Sometimes I need something concrete like that to keep me focused. Here's what I wrote: "I am powerless over the tangled knot of events that triggered my compulsive overeating and sugar addiction, and my life has become completely unmanageable."

Although the degree of unmanageability varies from day to day, I am always humbled by my cunning and baffling disease. When I write about my powerlessness, it's like turning my problem over to my Higher Power and thus gives me some relief.

What in you or your life seems unmanageable? Have you turned it over to your Higher Power?


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