July 30, 2011: Yep, I'm Still a Compulsive Eater

Yesterday's food:

God time? No

Exercise? Yes (swim)

Points: 30/36

[P] Hot dog

[P] Hot dog

[V] Brussels sprouts

[V] X

[V or F] Banana

[F] Blueberries

[F] Blueberries
[F] Raspberries

[St] Kashi

[St] Pizza (Lean Cuisine)

[D] Skim milk

[D] Skim milk

[Sn] Skinny Cow Dreamy Clusters

[Sn] Fudgesicles
[Sn] Fudgesicles
[Sn] Fudgesicles

[Nightfood bar] Yes

[W] One cup
Poundage lost: 7.4

Yep, I'm still a compulsive eater. I see it in how I handle the Fudgesicles. They're safe both for my diet and for my non-sugar intake, but I interact with them just like I interact with anything made of sugar: I eat it quickly, mindlessly, and compulsively. So, the behavior is still there; only the object is different. So far I'm OK with that, but it does disquiet the back of my mind to know that compulsive eating is still a part of my makeup. I guess I thought (apparently in some alternate universe) that I or God would be able to cure that part of me, although I know that as with any other addiction, compulsive eating can only be arrested. I wish I could fine it or give it a ticket, too, LOL :-) However, as long as I compulsively eat something safe that doesn't trigger me to eat more and more of it, like those dreamy crunchy Klondike bars do, or to eat other stuff that's bad for me, I can live with that.

I kind of coasted through the announcement yesterday that I started another blog: Fleurs-de-Lisa. I'm actually really excited about it, although my primary commitment still remains here :-) It will be hard to keep that balance, but this blog is more than half way done, so I think I can do both. Who knows? Maybe I'll keep going with this one, but I doubt it. I struggle with having fun in my life, so the beauty blog will give  me a huge dose of that. I haven't even really gone "live" yet, and I have 16 followers who believe in me enough, and who want to support me enough, that they've signed up "blind." Please, Lord, help me deliver a fun and informative beauty blog! I get to be shallow on-line! How fun is that? But, really, I shouldn't put myself down. It's a valid hobby, maybe even more so than hobbies where people just collect stuff but never use it.

BTW, I added a gluten-free recipe to my recipe tab: Rice Krispie-Coated Chicken Tenders :-) Hope you like them.

July 30, 2011: New Woot-y Things!

Thursday's food:

God time? No

Exercise?Yes (PT exercises)

Points: 36 of 36

[P] Pork

[P] Feta cheese (from salad)

[V] Large salad

[V] Large salad

[V or F] Blueberries

[F] Apple

[F] Blueberries

[St] Kashi

[St] Brown rice

[D] Feta cheese

[D] Yogurt

[D] Skim milk

[D] Skim milk

[Sn] Fudgesicles (x 2)

[Sn] Fudgesicles (x 2)

[Nightfood bar] Yes

[W] Four cups

Zipity-doo-dah! Yep, I'm totally corn-pone when I'm kookie happy. I'm really liking my life right now and am spending a lot of time thanking and praising the Lord for helping me turn my life around. I'm really excited about the two spiritual groups I'm starting at church: the recovery Bible study and the Al-Anon group. I'm super-psyched that I'm on a roll with physical exercise multiple times a week (swimming and physical therapy), often with my good friend Thea for company. I have so much work coming in that I'm thinking of hiring someone to help me. And I'm really happy that I now have a "safe" eating plan in Weight Watchers. It's like a food compass that I can always come back to when I get off track, and my Chew gets the best of me. Ive decided to start a beauty blog after all, which should be a lot of fun. My family relationships are good after being bad for such a long time (forgiveness and amends-making has worked wonders), and I am truly happy to be in my own skin at this time in my life, i..e, my 50s!

None of it would have come true without the help of God and Jesus and my willingness to do the "legwork." It dawned on me the other day that I consider God to be a Magic-8 Ball or a genie in a bottle. I pray and pray (and wish and wish) for my prayers to be answered, and then -- later -- I catch up to the fact that I have to put one foot in front of the other, often walking blindly, and step out in faith, trusting that my Higher Power is walking in front of me, opening the doors that I'm supposed to walk through!

What doors are you walking through right now? I'd love to know!

July 28, 2011: OMG! I'm Such a Slob!

Don't forget to enter the Nightfood 1-year supply giveaway! Only a few days left!

You may now whip me with a thousand wet noodles for not blogging in the past 11 days (give or take). I. am. such. a. slob. I've always been bad at letter-writing, and sometimes blogging feels like I'm writing one long letter that rarely gets answered. I KNOW you're out there (I check my stats every so often), so suck it up and write me a danged comment already! Heh-heh. Was that enough of a hissy fit for you? It would be a lot more interesting to blog if I knew somebody was reading (hint, hint).

No food today, but please know that I have been tracking my points, and I've sworn off the "cold, crunchy chocolate shell" of the Klondike bars, even if they are low in points. I found a substitute (sugar-free Fudgesicles) that are only 1 point each, so they have been my "guilty pleasure" for the past 11 days since I last wrote. They remind me, in an innocuous and safe way, that my inner Chew is ever ready to leap out and devour everything that isn't nailed down. However, the sugar-free Fudgesicles don't trigger my Chew like the Klondike bars did. I've also lost 1 pound of the 2.1 pounds I regained after July 4th. Hopefully my Weight Watchers weigh-in on Saturday will show more results because I've been swimming hard this week and not using the points :-)

OK, I'm going to let my superficial, pop-culture self out and say I'm going to close early so I can watch the start of this season's Project Runway, including a pre-show on the selection process and that I am going to start my own beauty blog (cosmetic beauty, that is) after all. I didn't think I wanted to write two blogs at the same time, but I've (pretty much) had a good time guest reviewing (only one annoying experience out of the bunch), so I'm going to give it a try :-) I'm thinking of naming it "Fleurs-de-Lisa." What do you think?

Don't forget to enter the Nightfood 1-year supply giveaway! Only a few days left!

July 17, 2011: Sabotage in Various Forms

Yesterday's food:

God time? Yes
Exercise? Yes (swam)
Points: 32 of 36
[P] Turkey hot dog 
[P] X 
[V] Brussels sprouts
[V] Mixed veggies
[V or F] Mixed veggies
[F] Apple
[F] Mixed fruit
[St ]Lean Cuisine "pizza"
[St] Kashi
[D] Skim milk
[D] Skim milk
[Sn] SF fudge pop (x 2)
[Sn] SF fudge pops (x 2)
[Sn] SF fudge pop (x 2) 
[Sn] *Skinny Cow turtles (1 pack) 
[Nightfood bar] Yes 
[W] Three cups

Don't forget to enter the Nightfood 1-year supply giveaway!

First, new rule: I'm not going to "bold" anything I ate unless it has sugar or flour in it (as usual) or unless I go over my points for the day (whereas before I had been limiting myself to a certain number of servings in each food category and "bolding" when I ate more in that category).

Second, I need to vent and then look at my own behavior that contributed to the problem. Today was my roommate's birthday. I had told her several weeks ago that today was National Ice Cream Day because she loooooves ice cream. We decided that when we went out today for lunch, we would eat ice cream and that we would work out a way to do it within our Weight Watchers plan (she's going to WW with me). To me, we were two girlfriends planning to do something fun with food and figuring out how to do it "on plan." We talked about our strategy for several days. I felt a sense of camaraderie with her.

So, we get to Ruby's diner, and we find out before we even order that they don't serve traditional (i.e., "hard") ice cream; it's soft-serve ice cream. My roommate prefers traditional ice cream, but she doesn't say anything. I order a salad and a Mud Slide shake to eat with my meal (I rarely eat dessert, and I never have it with my meal). My roommate orders her meal, and our mutual friend does the same.

We're nearing the end of lunch, and the waitress comes around to ask if we want anything else. I'm sipping my milkshake and nod my head "no," but I point across the table and say that my companions are having dessert. My roommate says, "no," she isn't having anything! I feel sabotaged and angry, and I turn it inward and proceed to drink the second half of my Mud Slide milkshake. We leave, drop our friend off at her car, and get home. I calculate the WW damage of the milkshake, which turns out to be 29 points!!!!! I feel set-up and sabotaged. I am extremely angry that she didn't tell me at the outset that she wasn't going to have any ice cream after all, and we argue. She leaves for the pool, and here's what I think of when I'm left alone to look at my piece of the "pie":

1. Granted, yes, she didn't tell me she wasn't going to have ice cream until I was well into my first glass of a very large milkshake.

2. At that point, I could have stopped to think of the one choice I can think of right now: I could have called the waitress back and asked her to take away the rest of the shake. But instead I felt so angry I polished off the second (and last) glass of shake.

3. In retrospect, I remembered that I was only going to order a small dish of ice cream, but I allowed myself to be seduced by the picture on the menu of the Mud Slide shake. I had been craving coffee (which I never drink) just a few moments before; the milkshake had coffee as an ingredient; and I went with it, and didn't think too much more about it.

4. When I got home I checked my blood sugar, which was 168 (I usually run between 90 and 120), so I got to see how eating sugar directly affects my blood sugar. An hour later it's 105.

At this point, I'm still trying to get the focus of my roommate's behavior and back onto myself so I can "own" my part in my self-sabotage. Yes, I do still feel that I was (unknowingly) sabotaged by her, but everything that happened after her announcement about all me and my stuff. The most important thing I can do for myself now is start my day over; eat on plan (I still have 6 points left); not sabotage myself further by beating myself up with more bad food choices; and chalk the day up a series of learning experiences.

If you're seeing anything that I'm not, would you let me know? Thanks for listening and helping :-)

Don't forget to enter the Nightfood 1-year supply giveaway!

July 16, 2011: Sowing and Reaping

Yesterday's food:

God time? Yes

Exercise?Yes (swam)

Points: 33 of 36

[P] Turkey hot dog

[P] X

[V] Brussels sprouts

[V] X

[V or F] X

[F] Cantaloupe

[F] Apple

[St]  Kashi

[St] Brown rice

[D] Skim milk

[D] Skim milk 
[D] WW Mozzarella stick
[D] WW Mozzarella stick

[Sn] Luna bar

[Sn] *Yogurt

[Nightfoodbar] Yes

[W] Two cups

Don't forget to enter the Nightfood 1-year supply giveaway!

I'm sorry I've been neglecting you. But it was for a good cause(s). First, I was assigned a new journal at work: Environmental Management. It's actually not new to me; I worked on it a number of years ago. However, it's come back to roost, and I'm fine with that. It's a very well-written journal with lots of pages, which means more money in my pocket at billing time. The manuscripts are very long: I just finished a total of 120 pages in the last three days. Considering I usually edit about 30 pages a day, you can see why I've been really busy with work.

On the spiritual side, I've also been planting and harvesting "seeds" for the recovery Bible study group and the new Al-Anon meeting. Everything is dropping into place, which tells me that these two projects I'm trying to get off the ground are God-powered, not Lisa-powered. All I had to do was open my mouth and share God's promptings with my pastor, and it's just blossomed from that one meeting I had with him! I love it when I'm in the middle of carrying out God's will for me.  Actually, I don't know that I've ever been conscious of doing that before, but it sure feels good!

Last night I spoke with a fellow who is in Narcotics Anonymous and who is interested in co-facilitating the recovery Bible study with me. He has about 3 years of experience in the program and is up to about his Fifth Step, and that sounds like a pretty good combination to me. We shared our stories with each other, and I think he was relived to find a church member who understood his "language" and 12-Step way of thinking. Considering that Al-Anon is mostly made up of women, it was interesting for me to connect with a man in a program way for a change. I have some male friends, but I don't see them that often, and sometimes I forget how nice it is to have some male energy in my life (aside from my boy cat, Buster, LOL).

So, things are chugging along quite nicely on my end. I forgot to tell you that I regained 2/2 pounds at my Weight Watchers weigh-in last week (darn Independence Day insomnia eating), but I lost a pound of that back when I weighed in today. Yay! What's new in your neck of the woods?

PS: I'm feeling much safer now that I'm off those crunchy Klondike bars. "Just don't but it!" is now my motto. If I don't bring it (read: any food that's not good for me) into the house, I'm not going to eat it.

Don't forget to enter the Nightfood 1-year supply giveaway!

July 9, 2011: Oh, Klondike, How Do I Quit You?

Don't forget to enter the Nightfood 1-year supply giveaway!

Yesterday's food:

God time? Yes

Exercise? No (weekend)

Points: 34 of 36

[P] X

[P] X

[V] Broccoli

[V] X

[V or F] Apple

[F] Peaches

[F] Cantaloupe

[St] Kashi

[St] Brown rice 
[St] Pizza

[D] Skim milk

[D] Skim milk 
[D] Mozzarella stick

[Sn] Creamer
[Sn] Popcorn 
*[Sn] Klondike bars (x 2)

[Nightfoodbar] Yes
[W] Five cups (!)

I'm trying really hard tonight not to give up, beat myself up, and sabotage my weight loss. The whole last week was incredibly hard for me, and I used a few days of non-abstinence as an excuse to take the entire weekend off. Went back to my old grazing/binging habits. I'm scared of how easily it came back to me, but I'm not surprised by it. Now, when I had been feeling safe with the Weight Watchers plan, I feel like a bad dream waiting to happen. I'm not going to whine in your ear, but if you'd keep me in your prayers I would appreciate it. There's nothing for me to do except go straight back to the First Step and admit my powerlessness over food. Again <le sigh>. My devilish addiction is so freaking boring and annoying and ever-ready to pounce when I'm weak. I'm not going to listen to the little Pillsbury dough boy who runes around in my head saying, "Go ahead! Eat! You've f-ed it up this far; might as well throw the towel in and call it a life."I HATE that measly little dough boy but I'd better learn to live with him since he's part of me.

I just dawned on me, when looking at my food from yesterday, trying to see where I went wrong (yesterday was supposed to be the day I "got back on track"), that I didn't have a proper amount of protein, and I've also been eating some straight sugar again. I've been told that inadequate protein intake, combined with excessive consumption of sugar, can set one up for a bad food day. Note to self: Don't skimp on protein.

I went from snacking on the sugar-free Klondike bars, which are a cookie-type sandwich, to snacking on the 100-calorie (sugared) Klondike bars, which have that crunchy chocolate coating. Now I like my chocolate cold anyway, so this has been a real set-up for me. There is something different about pure sugar, compared with fake sugar, that does trigger me in way that sugar-free foods don't. I need to respect, shake the dust off my feet, and get back on the wagon before I do any more damage. Sigh. I love that crunchy chocolate coating . . . 

Don't forget to enter the Nightfood 1-year supply giveaway!

July 7, 2011: Sleep Like Rip: Win a Year's Supply of Nightfood!

No food today because my eating been dismal all week, thanks to Independence Day. Guess I'm not liberated yet from associating social events with food or being able to control my compulsive eating at food-laden events. I think I'm still too fresh in Weight Watchers. I maintained last week (i.e., no loss), and I'm quite sure I will have gained something when I step on the WW scale on Saturday. But for now, I have a fun announcement for you:

I have another Nightfood giveaway! This time it's a really big prize: a year's worth of Nightfood bars. I wonder, if you ate them all in a row, would you sleep for a straight year? Yowser, LOL! I need to post a pic of Rip Van Winkle :-)

It's really simple to enter, too. All you have to do is buy one box of Nightfood bars during the month of July. And since they have a money-back guarantee if they don't work (they refund you with no need to return the bars), you have absolutely nothing to lose! You can buy your box here: http://bit.ly/dRJacU. 

Got that? You can buy a box of Nightfood bars and be entered to win a whole year's worth of Nightfood bars! That's 365 nights of GREAT SLEEP and even better waking! Get your box and entry at http://bit.ly/dRJacU!

In case you need some persuasion as to their effectiveness, here are some words straight from the winner of the last Nightfood contest, Deb P.:

"So after a week of using the Nightfood - I can definitely say it's working. I slept fantastic almost every night I had one, and as soon as they were gone it was back to lying awake until dawn - or later . . . Thanks so much for alerting me to the Nightfood - it's so wonderful to get a decent night's sleep for a change! I've already ordered enough to finish out the month and then I'll go on a subscription plan. . I've been an insomniac for something like fifteen years, so this stuff is a godsend. Tell him they need more flavours! *cough*peanut butter*cough*"

Did that help, LOL?