Sunday, July 17, 2011

July 17, 2011: Sabotage in Various Forms

Yesterday's food:
God time? Yes
Exercise? Yes (swam)
Points: 32 of 36
[P] Turkey hot dog 
[P] X 
[V] Brussels sprouts
[V] Mixed veggies
[V or F] Mixed veggies
[F] Apple
[F] Mixed fruit
[St ]Lean Cuisine "pizza"
[St] Kashi
[D] Skim milk
[D] Skim milk
[Sn] SF fudge pop (x 2)
[Sn] SF fudge pops (x 2)
[Sn] SF fudge pop (x 2) 
[Sn] *Skinny Cow turtles (1 pack) 
[Nightfood bar] Yes 
[W] Three cups

First, new rule: I'm not going to "bold" anything I ate unless it has sugar or flour in it (as usual) or unless I go over my points for the day (whereas before I had been limiting myself to a certain number of servings in each food category and "bolding" when I ate more in that category).

Second, I need to vent and then look at my own behavior that contributed to the problem. Today was my roommate's birthday. I had told her several weeks ago that today was National Ice Cream Day because she loooooves ice cream. We decided that when we went out today for lunch, we would eat ice cream and that we would work out a way to do it within our Weight Watchers plan (she's going to WW with me). To me, we were two girlfriends planning to do something fun with food and figuring out how to do it "on plan." We talked about our strategy for several days. I felt a sense of camaraderie with her.

So, we get to Ruby's diner, and we find out before we even order that they don't serve traditional (i.e., "hard") ice cream; it's soft-serve ice cream. My roommate prefers traditional ice cream, but she doesn't say anything. I order a salad and a Mud Slide shake to eat with my meal (I rarely eat dessert, and I never have it with my meal). My roommate orders her meal, and our mutual friend does the same.

We're nearing the end of lunch, and the waitress comes around to ask if we want anything else. I'm sipping my milkshake and nod my head "no," but I point across the table and say that my companions are having dessert. My roommate says, "no," she isn't having anything! I feel sabotaged and angry, and I turn it inward and proceed to drink the second half of my Mud Slide milkshake. We leave, drop our friend off at her car, and get home. I calculate the WW damage of the milkshake, which turns out to be 29 points!!!!! I feel set-up and sabotaged. I am extremely angry that she didn't tell me at the outset that she wasn't going to have any ice cream after all, and we argue. She leaves for the pool, and here's what I think of when I'm left alone to look at my piece of the "pie":

1. Granted, yes, she didn't tell me she wasn't going to have ice cream until I was well into my first glass of a very large milkshake.

2. At that point, I could have stopped to think of the one choice I can think of right now: I could have called the waitress back and asked her to take away the rest of the shake. But instead I felt so angry I polished off the second (and last) glass of shake.

3. In retrospect, I remembered that I was only going to order a small dish of ice cream, but I allowed myself to be seduced by the picture on the menu of the Mud Slide shake. I had been craving coffee (which I never drink) just a few moments before; the milkshake had coffee as an ingredient; and I went with it, and didn't think too much more about it.

4. When I got home I checked my blood sugar, which was 168 (I usually run between 90 and 120), so I got to see how eating sugar directly affects my blood sugar. An hour later it's 105.

At this point, I'm still trying to get the focus of my roommate's behavior and back onto myself so I can "own" my part in my self-sabotage. Yes, I do still feel that I was (unknowingly) sabotaged by her, but everything that happened after her announcement about all me and my stuff. The most important thing I can do for myself now is start my day over; eat on plan (I still have 6 points left); not sabotage myself further by beating myself up with more bad food choices; and chalk the day up a series of learning experiences.

If you're seeing anything that I'm not, would you let me know? Thanks for listening and helping :-)


  1. Not sure if it would help, but what I have done in similar situations is, eat the meal with no dessert, then head out to an ice cream stand, Handels, Dairy Queen, or whatever is local to you and get ice cream there - yes, you have more temptation at an ice cream place, but you also have time to think, talk about what you want and make a choice that is satisfying without being destructive. Plus the whole thing seems a bit more special that way. Just a thought for next time.

  2. Thanks for the comment, Zillah; it's a good one :-) I liken it to giving myself a "speed bump" before I rush into something without thinking about it as I should. Thanks for sharing.