02/01/11: Major Meltdown

Yesterday's food:

02/01/11: Bed at 10:30 pm/up at 9:00 am

God time? Yes

[P] Egg white

[P] Sausage

[V] Brussels sprouts

[V] X

[V] X

[F] Apple

[F] Fruit in muffin

[F] Fruit in muffins

[St] Kashi Berry Blossoms

[St] X

[D] Skim milk

[D] Skim milk

[Sn] Home-made GF/SF muffins (x 2)

[Sn] Home-made GF/SF muffins (x 2)

[Nightfood bar] Yes

[W] Five cups (including tea w/ creamer)

*[TEN MINI SNICKERS AND 4 REESE’S PEANUT BUTTER CUPS] 

One day, my friend, Sue, was visiting me in my old apartment. My male black-and-white tuxedo cat, Buster, was sitting upright under a distressed bench in my hallway. I asked Sue, "Why do you think he's sitting there of all places." (He looked pretty goofy.) She replied, "Because he can." 

Why do I eat sugar? Because I can. Not because I'm craving it or using it to calm some sort of emotional turmoil, but simply because it's simply in the house. Although I've been really good about not bringing flour and sugar into the house, I forgot I had stashed some leftover Halloween candy. Unfortunately, I reclaimed that memory yesterday. I ate a little bit of it yesterday and then I ate a whole honkin' bunch of it today. Just because I could.

Weirder, my lapse from tracking and posting during the last four days -- a "break" of sorts -- went pretty well: I didn't eat sugar or flour and even got my shipment of Pamela's completely awesome Baking and Pancake Mix and made muffins sweetened with dried fruit, not sugar (thus, I had a GF/SF option in the house, so no excuses), I ate sugar anyway. Sigh. I think it was a case of willful intention. I prayed to be protected from temptation, but my mind was made up even while I was praying.

I did, however, notice what was going on with my body while I was eating sugar as well as afterward. While I was eating it, I noticed that I wasn't having the "mouth-gasm" that I usually have when I consume sugar. That visceral release of "ahhhhhhhh." Afterward, I felt a bit sick to my stomach and bloated. Even later I noticed that my arthritis felt a bit more painful.

I read earlier today that everything in life is a lesson, a blessing, or a little of both. So, I'm going to take this experience and use it somehow. Stay tuned.