02/15/11 Bed at 11:30 pm/up at 10:30 am
God time? No
[P] Egg white
[P] Pork tenderloin
[V] Mixed peppers
[St] GF/SF muffins (x 2)
[St] Rice noodles
[D] Skim milk
[Sn] Nightfood bar
[Sn] Nightfood bar
[Nightfood bar] Yes
[W] Three cups (including tea w/ creamer)
Did I ever tell you about my cat theory of God's will? It goes like this (I'm a cat person, but you could probably substitute "small dog" wherever I write "cat"): My cat, Buster, is thinking, "Hmmmm, I think I want to eat some of my crunchy cat food" and meanders over to his food dish for a bite. On the other hand, I'm thinking to myself, "Boy, my cat looks especially cute and fluffy today. I want to pick him up and nuzzle his belly." And while I'm at it, I'll carry him into another room, kiss and nuzzle on him, and then set him down somewhere far from his original destination. And he thinks, "WTF?"
That's how God's will works in my life. I think I have my plan and agenda for the day, or even the month or next year, and then God picks me up, nuzzles me, and sets me down again somewhere strange and bewildering, often somewhere I don't want to be. Then I think, "WTF?"
My first reaction to change is to fear that it will be bad, and I'll scramble every which way I can to get back where I was. It's like I'm flowing down the river of life and frantically pulling on the tall grasses that grow along both banks of the river to slow my raft down and steer it somewhere other than where it's headed.
But when I remember that God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit are with me wherever I go -- and especially when I work my Third Step every morning and turn my life and will over to the care of God as I understand Him -- I can relax my grip on the tall grasses, let go, and enjoy the ride knowing that wherever I end up, it will be a good place because they will be with me.
As for the recent food aspect of my life, I did eat sugar on Valentine's day (albeit a small amount), and I found that that the cravings resonated into yesterday, at which point I succumbed to one Reese's Peanut Butter Cup. This morning I had the thought that I do actually have control over my sugar cravings; that I can flip them on and off like a light switch, merely by eating and then not eating sugar. If I eat sugar, and keep on eating it, the cravings will continue; it's like being on a never-ending merry-go-round... If I eat it and then stop eating it, the cravings disappear in a day or two (it might be longer for you, however).
That's just tiny piece to understanding the puzzle of why I eat sugar and flour compulsively, but that tiny piece is wearing a miner's hat and going digging for more clues!
See you tomorrow, I hope!