June 1, 2011: Integrating

Yesterday' food:

God time? No

Exercise?Yes (swim + PT exercises)

Points: 30 of 34

[P] Chicken sausage

[P] Steak

[V]  Brussels sprouts

[V] Pepper slices

[F] Apple

[F] Fruit cocktail

[V or F] X

[St] Kashi

[St] GF bread

[D] Milk

[D] Milk

*[Sn] McD's ice cream cone

[Sn] SF Klondike bar

[Nightfoodbar] Yes

[W] Four cups

 

AND THE WINNER OF THE NIGHTFOOD CONTEST IS . . . DEB PATTERSON FROM NEW JERSEY! CONGRATULATIONS! THANKS TO EVERYONE WHO CHECKED OUT MY BLOG DURING THE CONTEST:-)

New month, new background. I figured out how to add new design templates from a source other than Blogger itself, so I'll probably be playing with it and changing the design/layout from time to time.

I feel amazingly nonspiritual lately. I just know that my Higher Power is there, standing watch in the background. It's nice to know He's there but that I don't always have to be yapping at Him and/or asking Him for help. It's a good thing, too, because I'm an introvert by nature. I don't want anyone, even The Big Dude, all up in my face all the time and vice versa. I need time in between connecting with God to reorganize, synthesize, regroup, and integrate. It's a good thing we understand each other, He and I. 

Speaking of which, I used to have a problem, (or, as a young modern woman, used to think I should have a problem) with God and Jesus always being referred to as male/with a male pronoun. Although I have become much more comfortable with that, I think it's because my understanding of my Good has grown and solidified over the years from therapy, Al-Anon, and church.

Here is a picture of my Higher Power as I understand Him/Her/It: To me, God and Jesus and the Holy Spirit are processes, not static figures. When I had a hard time "buying" the "cheesy" and rationally unbelievable story of Jesus, I reworked it into believing what He and His life and death stood for: Healing and rebirth through the process of forgiving and loving. Now, that I could buy hook, line, and sinker.

The times I have felt closest to each and all three of them have been those when I am engaged in my own growth, healing, and rebirthing processes through the practice of forgiving and loving myself and others. Working through pain others have caused me, I eventually end up seeing myself in their shoes. Then I have to recognize and acknowledge  the pain I want to cause others and dig for the roots of it. Hurting and being/feeling hurt are  intertwined. One calls up the other, and vice versa. For now, I believe that I have addressed all the knots inside of me caused by those two dynamics, and life is good right now. Some things may pop up later, but I feel well equipped to handle them when they do. I'm integrating all that I've learned in the past 30+ years and enjoying my life, and that's a great place to be :-)