01/08/11: Destruction and Reception

Yesterday's food:

01/07/11: Bed at 10:30 pm/up at 6:30 am

God time? No

Banana

Cottage  cheese

Kashi cereal w/ milk

*McDonald’s Angus Snack Wrap

*Orange jellies (x 8)

Lightlife Shanghai Fried Rice entrée

Pamela’s Gluten-Free Ginger Cookies (molasses) (x 3)

Chicken salad

Soup

Broccoli salad

Nightfood bar (x 2)

Skim milk (1/2 c)

Despite having some candy yesterday, it was a good day. I didn't go way off track eating-wise, or get crazy-headed anxious, or stay up all night. Staying on my sleep schedule has been helpful . . . until today. I woke up early for a meeting at church, which was then cancelled because of snow, so I did a lot of grazing today albeit with sugar- and flour-free foods. Still, you'll see the compulsive aimless eating tomorrow when I post my food for the day.

So, technically I didn't go off plan, but it's interesting to see that the behavior is still there. Which is more important: the behavior or the drug of choice? Or, are they two sides of the same coin? Right now I'm looking for moderation of both, but I assume I'll do a lot of "pendulating" between them until I settle down in the middle.

Someone recently talked with me about the concept that the act of eating is an act of destruction. Since I'm all about the Chew, not so much the Swallow, that idea piqued my interest. I like to masticate; therefore, I like to destroy. All day, if possible. It got me to thinking about the connection between anger and overeating.

Although I've been up and down and all around my anger issues and have wrung them out pretty thoroughly, it might be worthwhile asking God to reveal to me any particular issues that might be driving my compulsive eating. And He's really good at giving me things that expand my consciousness if I ask for them (and sometimes when I don't), so you might here about this again in coming weeks or months.

What's important for me right now is to stop the behavior even though I haven't figured out it's cause. That's really hard for me; I prefer to work the other way around, thank you very much. But it's Gods plan in God's time, so I'll put it out there and try to become receptive.

Have a good night :-)