Wednesday, January 12, 2011

01/12/11: GOD = Good Orderly Direction

Yesterday's food:

01/10/11: Bed at 10:30 pm/up at 10:00 am
God time? Yes
Roast beef
Sweet potato
Broccoli salad
Nightfood bar (x 3)
Skim milk (1/2 c)
Water (x 2)

I REALLY like to have my ducks in a row. A straight row. My day goes so much better when I'm up early, go straight into my God time, then to my work and medical stuff (appointments, etc.). I actually finished work before dinner tonight, which is unusual. I regularly work until 7:30 pm or so, but I'd like that to change.

I've heard before that the word "God" stands for "good orderly direction." "Do the next right thing." "Keep my head where my feet are." These ideas all help me stay in today, which is where God's grace works. They keep me from getting "scrambled" in my mind and body. If I'm doing something that doesn't really need doing, or thinking (i.e., worrying) about something to come or that may not ever come, then I'm somewhere else other than in my body in the here and now. And then I can't receive the guidance that I need from moment to moment.

It's been a struggle for me to be in my body, not just because of my food issues but also because of my lupus, my handicap, past covert sexual abuse, and loads of rage, fear, and anxiety. My body has not usually been a comfortable, let alone happy, place to be. But I've been working on it with someone I trust, and I'm getting better at it. I use a somatic technique called "somatic experiencing" to get back into my body and the Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) to calm myself down when there's too much going on inside (and lest you think I'm a wingnut, it works for me on a simply emotional level; I have my own doubts about the disease-curing claims).

I have a sensitive nervous system and tend to take in too much stimuli at once, somewhat like the emotional version of my compulsive eating and sugar addiction. It's actually interesting how they parallel each other. I have been using food to calm myself down, console myself, and celebrate my accomplishments. Now I want to find other ways to accomplish those things, but the means won't come until I clear out the food, literally.

It's like body feng shui (the clearing part). Wabi-sabi-ing myself.

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