01/16/2011: Climbing Back on the Horse

Three days' worth of food:

01/15/11: Bed at 10:30 pm/up at 9:45 am

Apple

Brown rice

Mixed-color string beans

Brussels sprouts

Plain yogurt w/ Polaner All Fruit

Zucchini w/ tomatoes and black olives

Chili w/ cheese

Flan (actually made with creamer; aren’t I lucky?)

Smart pop popcorn (snack bag)

*+Cookies

Nightfood bar

01/14/11: Up all day/bed at 10:30 pm

*Half bag of peanut M&Ms

*Luna bars (x 2)

01/13/11: Bed at 10:30 pm/up at 11:30 pm (same night; insomnia)

God time? Yes

Apple

Egg white

Tea w/ creamer

Kashi cereal w/ skim milk

*25 peanut M&Ms

Ezekiel English muffin w/ butter and Polaner All Fruit

Chili w/ melted cheese

Broccoli salad

Nightfood bar (x 2)

Skin milk

Man, it's been a bad few days. Sorry I disappeared on you. I had a slip/binge that knocked me fairly senseless for a few days. Y'all know I have intractable insomnia. Well, I make it worse by getting up and going on the computer, eating all the while, until the wee hours of the morning. Every once in a while, I literally just stay up through the next day, making it a 24-hour trip. But my body wasn't equipped for it this time, and my eating plan went right out the window. I'm back on track now, but I'm bloated from the sugar and flour I ate and generally feeling uncomfortable in my body. I didn't track my food at all, but I do remember eating a half bag of peanut M&Ms as well as two Luna bars that surreptitiously ended up in my mailbox (well . . . not really; I had ordered samples of a new flavor before I committed to this experiment).

Since my sleeping issues seem to be a huge trigger for my eating/addiction issues, I'm revising my initial rules to include sleep/wake boundaries as follows:

1. I will go to bed within 30 minutes of my 10:30 pm sleep schedule and will be up within 60 minutes of my 6:45 am wake schedule (unless I am ill). If my insomnia is extra bad, I will read or journal until I get tired. I will not go on the computer!

2. No white sugar and no white flour among the first five ingredients of the ingredient list (because I'm a compulsive sugar-eater to begin with, that is a very big restriction for me!).

3. Kashi cereal, Coffee-Mate, Nightfood bars, as well as stevia and sugar substitutes, are the only "allowables" (see below). 

4. If I find that the above items seduce me into eating white sugar and flour, I will cut them out, too. I will tell you when (and if) that happens.

5. All other food is fair game!

6. Each day, I will post what I ate the previous day, including quantities.

7. I will blog every day, unless I am ill (which, with lupus, is likely to happen from time to time).

It was hard to come to God this morning feeling much shame for my lack of self-control, and then I realized that this year, particularly this experiment, is about making amends to myself after years of accumulated self-neglect. In this way I also make amends to God for abusing the "temple" He gave me and for not being as well equipped as I could be to carry out His will. He knows, and I know, that it's about progress, not perfection.

See you tomorrow!